Pfiesteria
Lyrics
Fishkill
Unless othewise noted, all songs written by P. Lemieux, B. Gould,
M. Calvi;
Copyright ©1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2005 Pfiesteria
1. Carpal Tunnel Beer Syndrome
(What happens when you open too many beer
bottles)
- First I got calluses, and then it just got
worse
- I must have offended someone for me to suffer this
curse
-
- It hurts to twist the cap off with my
hand
- All my friends think I'm a girlie man
- I tell you they just don't understand
-
- The doctors say its from repetitive
motion
- I've used hundreds of tubes of Ben Gay
lotion
-
- Most guys don't end up getting injured
here
- 'Cause they get their women to open up their
beer
- O baby, why ain't you here?
-
- I can't even mow my lawn because I can't squeeaze the
thing that keeps the motor on
- I can't make my Harley run because I can't turn the
throttle and give it the gun
-
- I got carpal tunnel syndrome from opening too many
beers
- I had to switch to cans from bottles
- That should tide me over for a couple of
years
2. Rock in the Box
A song about the room we rehearse in. If you ever saw
"Bridge on the River Kwai" and noticed the place that the Japanese
commandant put Alec Guinness when he pissed him off you get the
general idea.
- In the heat of the sun we swelter inside
- Fifteen feet long eight feet tall and fifteen feet
wide
- We're so isolated from what we cannot
comprehend
- A decibel shield from the world with an electric
fan
-
- We rock in the box, in the box -- and our muse is
inspired
- We rock in the box, in the box -- and our sweat is
perspired
-
- Like Papillon in the prison upon Devil's
Isle
- A place of atonement for sin and a fire for a
trial
- Burt Reynolds was sent to the box in "The Longest
Yard"
- The music the rage and the noise are their own
reward
-
- We rock in the box, in the box -- and our muse is
inspired
- We rock in the box, in the box -- and our sweat is
perspired
-
- We douse our great undrying thirst with a handful of
brews
- We play out our souls because we have got nothing to
lose
- Our sole intention's to play without playing the
game
- Once you get used and abused it is never the
same
-
- We rock in the box, in the box -- and our muse is
inspired
- We rock in the box, in the box -- and our sweat is
perspired
3. Barbecue Blues
A song about the dangers of alcohol abuse. This one
doesn't just apply to us guys either.
- Woke up this morning -- fell out of bed
- Woke up this morning -- fell out of bed
- Didn't believe what I saw, didn't believe the things I
said
- There's something going on here -- What's in my
bed?
-
- Looks like a pig
- Looks like a pig, smells like a pig
- Sounds like a pig, oinks like a pig
- Looks like a pig, smells like a pig
- Sounds like a pig, whaddya know?
- I don't know where you came from, I just wish you'd
go
-
- Woke up this morning -- pain in my head
- I'll try some hair of the dog that bit
me
- Or some aspirin instead
- Then I saw it laying there on my rug
- Sooey! Sooey! It looks like a pig
-
- Looks like a pig
- Looks like a pig, smells like a pig
- Sounds like a pig, oinks like a pig
- Looks like a pig, smells like a pig
- Sounds like a pig, whaddya know?
- I don't want your number, I just want you to
go
-
- Looks like a pig
- Looks like a pig, smells like a pig
- Sounds like a pig, oinks like a pig
- Looks like a pig, smells like a pig
- Squeals like a pig
- Go home to eastern North Carolina
- With all the rest of the pigs
4. It Takes a Village... Idiot
(A backhanded love song)
- It takes a village... idiot to fall in love with you
baby
- And I know that, but I couldn't stop
myself
- I'ze a idiot now
-
- Out of the whole village
- There was only one idiot stupid enough for
you
- And that was me and a-one other guy too
- But he got run over by a truck
- And left me here for you it was just my
luck
-
- It takes a village idiot
-
- It takes a village idiot -- I can't tell my head from
my butt
- But I'll tell you what -- It's a blessing to be this
stupid
- Cause otherwise, I would realize
- You'd pulled the wool over my eyes
-
- It takes a village idiot
5. Tissue Paper
(What the hell were we thinking?)
- When I wanna blow my nose I use tissue
paper
- When I wanna wipe my face I use tissue
paper
-
- I use it all the time
- Never gonna give it away
- I know just what I want
- It's tissue paper for me
-
- When I wanna clean it up I use tissue
paper
- When I spill it on the rug I use tissue
paper
-
- When I wanna wipe my butt I use tissue
paper
- When I'm cleaning up a cut I use tissue
paper
6. The Song Our Bass Player Sings
(But we won't let him sing)
- This is the song that our bass player
sings
- He sings better than us it's just one of those
things
- Maybe it's the smokes or the coffee he
brings
- It's the song that our bass player sings
-
- (bass player as we push him away from the
mic)
- I only have a few words to sing today...
-
- His bass is kinda old and it needs some new
strings
- He doesn't care if your maxi pad has
wings
- Watch out for that jellyfish because of the
sting
- It's the song that our bass player sings
-
- He's only got 4 strings
- But I guess that's enough
-
- (bass player as we push him away from the
mic)
- Still learning how to slap and slide...
-
- This is the song that our bass player
sings
- He sings better than us it's just one of those
things
- Maybe it's the smokes or the coffee he
brings
- It's the song that our bass player sings
7. My Own Little Corner of Hell
Blues-oriented song about lost love
- Now you are gone
- Here at the crossroads I stay or diverge with my
song
- I did you wrong
- Something I said maybe something I did so far
gone
-
- I lie awake at night, wishing for second
sight
- I'm doing well
- Here in my own little corner of hell
-
- Something went wrong
- We didn't discuss it we didn't do nothing at
all
- The fault is our own
- As both of us watched the destruction of our happy
home
-
-
- I lie awake at night, wishing for second
sight
- Isn't it swell
- Here in my own little corner of hell
-
- It's now been years
- Not hearing your voice & not seeing you brings
down the tears
- Despair mixed with fears
- Replaying my words & my actions brings sobs to my
ears
-
- I lie awake at night, wishing for second
sight
- Now can't you tell
- I'm in my own little corner of hell
8. New Orleans
(Sleazy Swamp Music)
- I went down to New Orleans, and tried to find myself
my queen
- I went down to New Orleans, and tried to get myself
the dream
-
- There's spiders and there's snakes, but they're never
gonna get
- Two feet away from someone as down in the gutter as
me
-
- I went down to New Orleans, and tried to find myself
my queen
- I went down to New Orleans, and tried to get myself
the dream
-
- I went down there at her beck and call
- And now she's leaving me and that is all
- And I know this is the end -- I'll never be with her
again
-
- I went down to New Orleans and tried to find myself my
queen
- I went down to New Orleans and tried to get myself the
dream
-
- The dream is gone like so many other
things
9. It Shouldn't Happen to a Dog
A eulogy to my dog that someone we trusted went and killed
-- it is an amazingly tragic shocking story.
- He wasn't too awful bright, he barked at nothing all
night
- He liked to dig up the back yard, he didn't hump my
leg
- He didn't eat nothing herbal, but he ate our
gerbil
-
- It shouldn't happen to a dog, I wouldn't do it to a
dog
- But someone did, and now my dog's gone
away
- It shouldn't happen to a dog, I wouldn't do it to a
dog
-
- I'd sometimes take him out for walks, he never bit
anyone
- He really liked all the other dogs, he'd sniff their
butts just for fun
- We had to chain him up, or else away he'd
run
-
- It shouldn't happen to a dog, I wouldn't do it to a
dog
- But someone did, and now my dog's gone
away
- It shouldn't happen to a dog, I wouldn't do it to a
dog
-
- He liked to chew stuff up, and so I kept him out
back
- All the children liked to play with him because he
wasn't a cat
- He liked to sniff women's crotches
- You can't blame him for that
-
- It shouldn't happen to a dog, I wouldn't do it to a
dog
- But someone did, and now my dog's gone
away
- It shouldn't happen to a dog, I wouldn't do it to a
dog
10. The Girl in the Green Shirt
(About the supermodel on the Killian's Beer Poster where
we practice)
- She stares at me in the green shirt wondering what I'm
gonna do
- And I'll do it with you
- She sells me beer in a green shirt -- I know just what
I wanna do
- And I'll do it with you
-
- I don't know what street I'm on
- I don't know what's going on
- I just hope she gonna carry me away
- I don't know what to say
-
- You're there in your green shirt and your red
hair
- Wherever you go tonight I wanna be there
- Your eyes are the color of your shirt
- I want to roll with you in the dirt
11. They Won't Sell Me No Beer
(A diatribe against the blue laws -- we went to buy some
beer at 12:01 PM on a Sunday but Kroger's clock said 11:50 and they
wouldn't sell us the beer)
- They won't sell me no beer on Sunday
Morning
- They won't sell me nothing to make my
day
-
- I went down to Krogers to buy a case
- But I went away empty handed it was such a
waste
- They wouldn't sell me St. Pauli Girl
- They wouldn't sell Pete's Wicked
- So I told that bitch that she could go and stick
it
-
- I had my money, I had to go
- So I went to the Amoco
-
- Went down to the Krogers
- They wouldn't sell me my beer
- And I said, why should I buy it here?
-
- They won't sell me no beer on Sunday
Morning
- They won't sell me nothing to make my
day
12. Pfiesteria's World Tour of Japan
(An imaginary trip -- we sold a CD over the Internet to a
guy in Japan and it spawned the song)
- We got a call about the band
- It was a dude from Japan
-
- He wanted us to come over there
- Because he said that they like our hair
- We'll hit Kyoto and Tokyo
- We'll trash the hotels like Godzilla you
know
-
- We said OK -- but what are you guys gonna
pay?
- We don't want just cash; we want some sushi and
Kabukichou pass
-
- Go to Japan -- a world tour
- Never coming back again
- Go to Japan -- a world tour
- They ain't never gonna find us again
-
- I want a geisha seven days a week
- So she can walk on my back and stuff like
that
- I want a wall made of paper
- To protect me when the groupies attack
-
- Go to Japan -- a world tour
- Never coming back again
- Go to Japan -- a world tour
- They ain't never gonna find us again
-
- Pfiesteria's world tour of Japan
- We're gonna go there
- We just know we am
13. I'm a Slug
The couch potato's anthem
- Motivation is no problem for me
- I've got none it's plain to see
- Everybody knows what a slug I am
- And you know I don't give a damn
-
- 'Cause I'm a slug I'm a slug -- I'd shout it from the
rooftops
- If I just had the energy to climb up on
one
- I'm a slug I'm a slug -- There's no doubt about
it
- Being in a coma is my idea of fun
-
- I really should have made up some more words for
this
- But I'm too lazy so I give it a dis
- That just proves what a slug I am
- I said it before I don't give a damn
-
- 'Cause I'm a slug I'm a slug -- I'd shout it from the
rooftops
- If I just had the energy to climb up on
one
- I'm a slug I'm a slug -- There's no doubt about
it
- Being in a coma is my idea of fun
-
- 'Cause I'm a slug I'm a slug -- I'd shout it from the
rooftops
- If I just had the energy to climb up on
one
- I'm a slug I'm a slug -- There's no doubt about
it
- Being in a coma is my idea of fun
-
- 'Cause I'm a slug I'm a slug -- I'd shout it from the
rooftops
- If I just had the energy to climb up on
one
- I'm a slug I'm a slug -- There's no doubt about
it
- Being in a coma is my idea of fun
14. Road Rage
A tribute to the poor suckers out there waiting in traffic
jams. This is dedicated to those of us who suffer in silence and
don't go out and shoot the people causing the problems.
- I'm in my car -- we're going slow
- I'm in my car -- we're going slow
- Tell me why are they so slow?
-
- I'm in my car -- what's up ahead?
- I'm in my car -- there's a putz up ahead
- I wish they'd get out of the way
- So I can go resume my trip someday
-
- I got road rage -- I got road rage
-
- I had a dream
-
- When I woke up from my dream
- The putzes were traveling 15 mph
- They didn't care where I was going to
- They didn't feel the need to get there like I
do
- And I'm waiting here forever on the road
- 'Cause it's Christmas now, I'm never gonna see my
home
-
- I got road rage -- I got road rage