Pfiesteria Lyrics

Fishkill

Unless othewise noted, all songs written by P. Lemieux, B. Gould, M. Calvi;

Copyright ©1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2005 Pfiesteria

 

Fishkill Cover

1. Carpal Tunnel Beer Syndrome

2. Rock In The Box

3. Barbeque Blues

4. It Takes A Village Idiot

5. Tissue Paper

6. The Song Our Bass Player Sings

7. My Own Little Corner Of Hell

8. New Orleans

9. It Shouldn't Happen To A Dog

10. The Girl In The Green Shirt

11. They Won't Sell Me No Beer

12. Pfiesteria's World Tour of Japan

13. I'm A Slug

14. Road Rage


1. Carpal Tunnel Beer Syndrome

(What happens when you open too many beer bottles)
First I got calluses, and then it just got worse
I must have offended someone for me to suffer this curse
 
It hurts to twist the cap off with my hand
All my friends think I'm a girlie man
I tell you they just don't understand
 
The doctors say its from repetitive motion
I've used hundreds of tubes of Ben Gay lotion
 
Most guys don't end up getting injured here
'Cause they get their women to open up their beer
O baby, why ain't you here?
 
I can't even mow my lawn because I can't squeeaze the thing that keeps the motor on
I can't make my Harley run because I can't turn the throttle and give it the gun
 
I got carpal tunnel syndrome from opening too many beers
I had to switch to cans from bottles
That should tide me over for a couple of years


2. Rock in the Box

A song about the room we rehearse in. If you ever saw "Bridge on the River Kwai" and noticed the place that the Japanese commandant put Alec Guinness when he pissed him off you get the general idea.
In the heat of the sun we swelter inside
Fifteen feet long eight feet tall and fifteen feet wide
We're so isolated from what we cannot comprehend
A decibel shield from the world with an electric fan
 
We rock in the box, in the box -- and our muse is inspired
We rock in the box, in the box -- and our sweat is perspired
 
Like Papillon in the prison upon Devil's Isle
A place of atonement for sin and a fire for a trial
Burt Reynolds was sent to the box in "The Longest Yard"
The music the rage and the noise are their own reward
 
We rock in the box, in the box -- and our muse is inspired
We rock in the box, in the box -- and our sweat is perspired
 
We douse our great undrying thirst with a handful of brews
We play out our souls because we have got nothing to lose
Our sole intention's to play without playing the game
Once you get used and abused it is never the same
 
We rock in the box, in the box -- and our muse is inspired
We rock in the box, in the box -- and our sweat is perspired


3. Barbecue Blues

A song about the dangers of alcohol abuse. This one doesn't just apply to us guys either.
Woke up this morning -- fell out of bed
Woke up this morning -- fell out of bed
Didn't believe what I saw, didn't believe the things I said
There's something going on here -- What's in my bed?
 
Looks like a pig
Looks like a pig, smells like a pig
Sounds like a pig, oinks like a pig
Looks like a pig, smells like a pig
Sounds like a pig, whaddya know?
I don't know where you came from, I just wish you'd go
 
Woke up this morning -- pain in my head
I'll try some hair of the dog that bit me
Or some aspirin instead
Then I saw it laying there on my rug
Sooey! Sooey! It looks like a pig
 
Looks like a pig
Looks like a pig, smells like a pig
Sounds like a pig, oinks like a pig
Looks like a pig, smells like a pig
Sounds like a pig, whaddya know?
I don't want your number, I just want you to go
 
Looks like a pig
Looks like a pig, smells like a pig
Sounds like a pig, oinks like a pig
Looks like a pig, smells like a pig
Squeals like a pig
Go home to eastern North Carolina
With all the rest of the pigs


4. It Takes a Village... Idiot

(A backhanded love song)
It takes a village... idiot to fall in love with you baby
And I know that, but I couldn't stop myself
I'ze a idiot now
 
Out of the whole village
There was only one idiot stupid enough for you
And that was me and a-one other guy too
But he got run over by a truck
And left me here for you it was just my luck
 
It takes a village idiot
 
It takes a village idiot -- I can't tell my head from my butt
But I'll tell you what -- It's a blessing to be this stupid
Cause otherwise, I would realize
You'd pulled the wool over my eyes
 
It takes a village idiot


5. Tissue Paper

(What the hell were we thinking?)
When I wanna blow my nose I use tissue paper
When I wanna wipe my face I use tissue paper
 
I use it all the time
Never gonna give it away
I know just what I want
It's tissue paper for me
 
When I wanna clean it up I use tissue paper
When I spill it on the rug I use tissue paper
 
When I wanna wipe my butt I use tissue paper
When I'm cleaning up a cut I use tissue paper


6. The Song Our Bass Player Sings

(But we won't let him sing)
This is the song that our bass player sings
He sings better than us it's just one of those things
Maybe it's the smokes or the coffee he brings
It's the song that our bass player sings
 
(bass player as we push him away from the mic)
I only have a few words to sing today...
 
His bass is kinda old and it needs some new strings
He doesn't care if your maxi pad has wings
Watch out for that jellyfish because of the sting
It's the song that our bass player sings
 
He's only got 4 strings
But I guess that's enough
 
(bass player as we push him away from the mic)
Still learning how to slap and slide...
 
This is the song that our bass player sings
He sings better than us it's just one of those things
Maybe it's the smokes or the coffee he brings
It's the song that our bass player sings


7. My Own Little Corner of Hell

Blues-oriented song about lost love
Now you are gone
Here at the crossroads I stay or diverge with my song
I did you wrong
Something I said maybe something I did so far gone
 
I lie awake at night, wishing for second sight
I'm doing well
Here in my own little corner of hell
 
Something went wrong
We didn't discuss it we didn't do nothing at all
The fault is our own
As both of us watched the destruction of our happy home
 
 
I lie awake at night, wishing for second sight
Isn't it swell
Here in my own little corner of hell
 
It's now been years
Not hearing your voice & not seeing you brings down the tears
Despair mixed with fears
Replaying my words & my actions brings sobs to my ears
 
I lie awake at night, wishing for second sight
Now can't you tell
I'm in my own little corner of hell


8. New Orleans

(Sleazy Swamp Music)
I went down to New Orleans, and tried to find myself my queen
I went down to New Orleans, and tried to get myself the dream
 
There's spiders and there's snakes, but they're never gonna get
Two feet away from someone as down in the gutter as me
 
I went down to New Orleans, and tried to find myself my queen
I went down to New Orleans, and tried to get myself the dream
 
I went down there at her beck and call
And now she's leaving me and that is all
And I know this is the end -- I'll never be with her again
 
I went down to New Orleans and tried to find myself my queen
I went down to New Orleans and tried to get myself the dream
 
The dream is gone like so many other things


9. It Shouldn't Happen to a Dog

A eulogy to my dog that someone we trusted went and killed -- it is an amazingly tragic shocking story.
He wasn't too awful bright, he barked at nothing all night
He liked to dig up the back yard, he didn't hump my leg
He didn't eat nothing herbal, but he ate our gerbil
 
It shouldn't happen to a dog, I wouldn't do it to a dog
But someone did, and now my dog's gone away
It shouldn't happen to a dog, I wouldn't do it to a dog
 
I'd sometimes take him out for walks, he never bit anyone
He really liked all the other dogs, he'd sniff their butts just for fun
We had to chain him up, or else away he'd run
 
It shouldn't happen to a dog, I wouldn't do it to a dog
But someone did, and now my dog's gone away
It shouldn't happen to a dog, I wouldn't do it to a dog
 
He liked to chew stuff up, and so I kept him out back
All the children liked to play with him because he wasn't a cat
He liked to sniff women's crotches
You can't blame him for that
 
It shouldn't happen to a dog, I wouldn't do it to a dog
But someone did, and now my dog's gone away
It shouldn't happen to a dog, I wouldn't do it to a dog


10. The Girl in the Green Shirt

(About the supermodel on the Killian's Beer Poster where we practice)
She stares at me in the green shirt wondering what I'm gonna do
And I'll do it with you
She sells me beer in a green shirt -- I know just what I wanna do
And I'll do it with you
 
I don't know what street I'm on
I don't know what's going on
I just hope she gonna carry me away
I don't know what to say
 
You're there in your green shirt and your red hair
Wherever you go tonight I wanna be there
Your eyes are the color of your shirt
I want to roll with you in the dirt


11. They Won't Sell Me No Beer

(A diatribe against the blue laws -- we went to buy some beer at 12:01 PM on a Sunday but Kroger's clock said 11:50 and they wouldn't sell us the beer)
They won't sell me no beer on Sunday Morning
They won't sell me nothing to make my day
 
I went down to Krogers to buy a case
But I went away empty handed it was such a waste
They wouldn't sell me St. Pauli Girl
They wouldn't sell Pete's Wicked
So I told that bitch that she could go and stick it
 
I had my money, I had to go
So I went to the Amoco
 
Went down to the Krogers
They wouldn't sell me my beer
And I said, why should I buy it here?
 
They won't sell me no beer on Sunday Morning
They won't sell me nothing to make my day


12. Pfiesteria's World Tour of Japan

(An imaginary trip -- we sold a CD over the Internet to a guy in Japan and it spawned the song)
We got a call about the band
It was a dude from Japan
 
He wanted us to come over there
Because he said that they like our hair
We'll hit Kyoto and Tokyo
We'll trash the hotels like Godzilla you know
 
We said OK -- but what are you guys gonna pay?
We don't want just cash; we want some sushi and Kabukichou pass
 
Go to Japan -- a world tour
Never coming back again
Go to Japan -- a world tour
They ain't never gonna find us again
 
I want a geisha seven days a week
So she can walk on my back and stuff like that
I want a wall made of paper
To protect me when the groupies attack
 
Go to Japan -- a world tour
Never coming back again
Go to Japan -- a world tour
They ain't never gonna find us again
 
Pfiesteria's world tour of Japan
We're gonna go there
We just know we am


13. I'm a Slug

The couch potato's anthem
Motivation is no problem for me
I've got none it's plain to see
Everybody knows what a slug I am
And you know I don't give a damn
 
'Cause I'm a slug I'm a slug -- I'd shout it from the rooftops
If I just had the energy to climb up on one
I'm a slug I'm a slug -- There's no doubt about it
Being in a coma is my idea of fun
 
I really should have made up some more words for this
But I'm too lazy so I give it a dis
That just proves what a slug I am
I said it before I don't give a damn
 
'Cause I'm a slug I'm a slug -- I'd shout it from the rooftops
If I just had the energy to climb up on one
I'm a slug I'm a slug -- There's no doubt about it
Being in a coma is my idea of fun
 
'Cause I'm a slug I'm a slug -- I'd shout it from the rooftops
If I just had the energy to climb up on one
I'm a slug I'm a slug -- There's no doubt about it
Being in a coma is my idea of fun
 
'Cause I'm a slug I'm a slug -- I'd shout it from the rooftops
If I just had the energy to climb up on one
I'm a slug I'm a slug -- There's no doubt about it
Being in a coma is my idea of fun


14. Road Rage

A tribute to the poor suckers out there waiting in traffic jams. This is dedicated to those of us who suffer in silence and don't go out and shoot the people causing the problems.
I'm in my car -- we're going slow
I'm in my car -- we're going slow
Tell me why are they so slow?
 
I'm in my car -- what's up ahead?
I'm in my car -- there's a putz up ahead
I wish they'd get out of the way
So I can go resume my trip someday
 
I got road rage -- I got road rage
 
I had a dream
 
When I woke up from my dream
The putzes were traveling 15 mph
They didn't care where I was going to
They didn't feel the need to get there like I do
And I'm waiting here forever on the road
'Cause it's Christmas now, I'm never gonna see my home
 
I got road rage -- I got road rage